My Awkward Online Journal: The current disaster AKA

So...It is time to fill you in on some things about me. Useless facts that will hopefully give an idea of who I am as a person.

Getting to know me....

Normally (yesterday excluded) I am an extremely hard worker. Sometimes too hard. I climbed the corporate ladder and I refuse to fail. I am dependable, responsible and dedicated - the problem with this is that I pour myself into my job so much that there is little left of me at the end of the day for my family and home.
I do not keep a clean house...I WANT a clean house I have TRIED to keep a clean house I CANNOT keep a clean house. I work 10 hour days and just do not have it in me to get home and just jump right in and start laundry or dusting or some shit. It just doesn't happen. Instead all cleaning gets done on the weekend. This is not helped by the fact that my husband is the baby in his family and his mother and brothers did EVERYTHING for him. He has not acquired the skills necessary to bring his dishes from the living room to the kitchen. He is unaware that it is possible to pickup after himself. I just cant do it anymore. So....my house is always a disaster and it makes me want to scream!
I smoke. I like to smoke. I hide it from my mother and my father as I do not want the ridicule. I am an adult and I am aware of what it is doing to my body and I love every drag of it. I hid it from my husband until his latest and greatest infidelity. He hates smoking. With a passion. Knew I did it when he met me and then talked me into "quitting" yea that never really happened. I did quit during my entire pregnancy. However the day I returned from maternity leave I lit one up and it was soo sweet! It is the worst thing that I do. I am OK with that. Of course - I am supposed to attempt to quit soon, we shall see!
I am a mother. I have a 5 year old whom I love dearly. I don't mention him much because he is something that I can talk about everyday. That is not really what this journal is for. He does make me happy though. He's a pretty good kid. I am an OK mother. I try.
The only relative I have in my area is my father. He is the only one in my family that I do not despise. He has a heart. He has my heart. He just recently got married...my step mom is OK. Not evil or anything.
I am currently going to a diet Dr. I have lost 30 lbs since September. This is something that excites me. Very little excites me but this really does. I don't mind trying on clothes now.
I get very little to no help from my husband in raising my child. He just doesn't. My child has never been in the front yard with my husband throwing a ball or playing catch. I have mentioned that...a lot...it does not phase my husband. He is off two days during the week and I still have to bring the child to before school daycare and pick him up from after school daycare. He does not clean on those days off, he does...well...whatever he wants. On MY days off I have my son and I'm cleaning....not that it ever really gets "clean". Let me clarify we are not gross...we don't have bugs or food out or anything. Just clutter...lots and lots of clutter.
I have one employee. She talks too much and I would very much like to duct tape her mouth shut about 50 times a day. there is no doubt you will hear about her often. She makes me want to play in traffic blindfolded while drinking a fifth of vodka
I am addicted to scratch off lottery tickets.
I have several tattoos and my nipples are pierced. Nobody really knows that...well except my husband and the person who did them.
I have horrible handwriting
I am the "go to person" for everyone when they need a shoulder to cry on - I go to NOONE to complain or ask advice...probably why I am doing this journal.
I do not cry in front of anyone...ever
I have a fantasy of "running into" my highschool sweetheart and having this sexy affair or after we are both divorced running into each other and then living happily ever after
I have a lot of fantasy crushes
I have NEVER cheated on my husband - he HAS NOT returned that favor.
This means I have slept with the same man for about a decade...just sayin
I am the pickiest eater in the world
Somehow I am very popular yet I do not care for most of my friends. There are few I actually tolerate.